


A new beginning

by morgensternstar



Category: The Mortal Instruments (Movies), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Clabastian - Freeform, Clonathan, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Incest, M/M, Multi, Violence, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-04-06 10:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14055324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgensternstar/pseuds/morgensternstar
Summary: [Clonathan relationship] If you don't like it, don't read!WARNING: violence, incest, suicide, etc. could be implied! Read at your risk.Jonathan Morgenstern is resurrected and has the chance to start all over. However, his feelings for his sister Clary Fray may not be entirely brotherly ...





	1. Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> The storyline takes place few years after the end of the Dark war.  
> All characters belong to Cassandra Clare.  
> For more information on certain characters read The Dark Artifices series.

_"Lovely." A faint whisper._  
_He tensed up slightly before relaxing. The voice was familiar and quite soothing. There was only one person it could possibly belong to as only one was capable of stirring any sort of emotion inside him. He couldn't see the dark figure, hiding in the eerie shadows, but he knew it was her. Clary. A soft, warm smile spread to his face. His heartbeat quickened. Even though he couldn't outline the expression on her face he could feel her intense eyes, gazing. There was something unspoken in the air as she just stood there, staring at him as if he was a wild animal. Was he really that scary-looking? He took after his father in appearance. Tall and muscular, he had a slightly slender frame. His platinum blond hair gave his pale skin some color,  outlining his restless face with high cheekbones. Additionally, he had inherited his mother's slender, graceful hands, and her long eyelashes._  
_So what did that little girl fear?_  
_His actions, perhaps. Jonathan Morgenstern, aka Sebastian Morgenstern, was a known mastermind. Taking the identity of the shadowhunter Sebastian Verlac, he had made his way into the depths of Idris. He was as manipulative as he was charming, a snake in the grass. After his father's death everyone thought they were free at last. But the boy had made a promise to himself to change that. Revealed to be the long lost brother of Clarissa Fray and a spy of his father, helping him accomplish his goals, he had been the most wanted person.That didn't end well for hundreds, whose blood was now on his hands. Nevertheless, he felt no remorse. He was at the peak of his reign when he made the mistake of placing his trust in the one person whom he should have been wary of. His little sister who had stabbed him in the heart. Literally and metaphorically._  
_Now the same person was standing only few steps away from him. Sebastian's eyes were fixed on the figure as it began closing in. Then he saw her._  
_She was beautiful with her intense green eyes and curly red hair that was now falling to the bottom of her back. She wore a simple sleeveless red dress. He noted her unusual movement, as if she wasn't walking but floating in the air.   She was quite short, Jonathan noticed, just a little over five feet tall. Nothing about her had changed throughout the time he was gone. But was he really gone?_  
_He held his breath in anticipation. Only mere inches separated the siblings now. She was so close were he to lean down he'd be able to embrace her fully. The warmth drained out of his soul as the tips of her fingers gently brushed against his slender ones._  
_"Come back to me."_  
_Her voice was slightly husky, though still feminine. Her eyes were piercing, staring him down._  
_"I need you." Another whisper escaped her lips as she leant forward and slid her hand in his, holding onto him. Small shivers of delight crept up his arm and into his chest._  
_"Do you really?" Even though his prime intention was to sound indifferent, his voice betrayed him. She nodded at him and smiled weakly. Tilting her head to the side, the girl allowed her lips to brush against his, lightly. The effect was immediate._  
All of the sudden, a glorious shower of sunlight poured on top of Jonathan Morgenstern as if from the heavens. He awoke from his delightful dream to the hushed whispers of several voices. He tried to focus his eyes onto the blurred shapes surrounding him, trying to make out their features _,_ but quickly shut his eyes again.  
"We should have killed him."  The voice sounded like a distant boom of thunder. It was a quite familiar one; of a girl whose heart had been broken to pieces after the loss of her little brother. "Isabelle Lightwood." Jonathan thought.   
"You heard the Silent brothers." Another person, this time however, a male. Alec Lightwood.   
"Can you quit discussing the murder of my brother in front of me?" Clary's was barely a whisper but the words echoed in Jonathan's head like a jackhammer.  
His  _murder?_ That would mean he wasn't dead. Yet.  
His vision was finally restored, but he didn't dare look at the people surrounding him.   
"Just an offer, but perhaps you should exit before you lose your temper and attack us all, Izzy?" A delightfully amused voice echoed. Jace Herondale.   
"We all need to loosen up after what we just went through. Everyone go to your rooms. He won't wake up any time soon, anyway." It was the strict and clear voice of a man with power. Jonathan couldn't recognise the person, but he assumed it belonged to Robert Lightwood.  
Footsteps of at least four people echoed loudly against the floor before the abrupt dead silence descended over.  
With a soft sigh of exasperation but also relief, Jonathan Morgenstern fluttered his eyes open. He was lying in what seemed to be a dimly lit hospital room, but after stirring to a sitting position it was quite clear that the room was actually an infirmary with an arched wooden ceiling with murals. Every institute in the world had such one.   
The boy slipped out of bed and stood motionless. His gaze averted from the nightstand to the full-length mirror in the corner and his jaw dropped in incredulity. The person in the mirror was almost unrecognizable.  
He could have easily passed for a corpse, complete with a sickly pale complexion and dark circles under blood-shot eyes. His cheeks were drawn and he looked slimmer than usual; skinny to be fair. The loose gown, very similar to hospital ones, was tied at the back of his body. However, that wasn't what disturbed him. It was his flashing-green eyes that made no sense.   
Jonathan Morgenstern was born with dark eyes due to the demon blood running in his veins. To some it was an attractive feature of his, to others it was eerily and scared them away. Now, however, that had changed. His eyes were green.  _"Like Clary's."_  He thought to himself.   
That wasn't the only difference. The urge and desire to bring misery, the murderous cruelty and uncontrollable bloodthirst he was used to was gone. As if ... he had been cured once and for all from the effects of the demon blood.   
"You don't look so bad." Jace's voice almost startled the boy, but he regained his composure in half a second as he turned around to face him. Jace had curly blonde hair that most girls found attractive, although Jonathan never managed to see what was so unique about it. His eyes were the outstanding feature. Golden. It was most likely a side effect of the experiments Valentine Morgenstern had done on him. Unlike the unfortunate boy though, Jace Herondale had been injected with angels blood.  
Now he was leaning against the door frame and staring curiously at Jonathan.   
"You're probably really confused. Am I right? Or am I right?" He seemed to be suppressing an amused smile.   
"You're wrong."   
"For real?" A look of dismay crossed the golden boy's face.   
"I'm cured." Although the original intention was to sound smooth, the words came out barely as a whisper. "How- how is this possible?"  
"Ah! So  _you_ _are_  confused!" A grin of triumph spread to Jace's face. "Long story short, you got brought back to life. It's been few years though, so we may look a bit older." He didn't lack confidence and was downright cocky.  
"Actually, you look just the same,  _brother_." Jonathan's tone of voice took on a sharp, exasperated edge. "I don't, however." A soft sigh escaped his lips as he stared in the mirror.  
"Why was I brought back?"  
"Like I said, it's a long story that we don't have time for. We knew you've been cured though, otherwise we'd have killed you on the second you appeared." Jace spoke, his head tilted to the side while observing him. "Robert Lightwood has contacted the Clave. A meeting regarding your situation is to be held tomorrow morning. We didn't expect you to be awake for it, but now that you are you're required to go."   
Jonathan stood still, hearing the boy speak but it took few minutes for the words to sink in. He was called to account for his actions. For the murders of thousands. The meeting was only going to be a formality, he knew. They must have already decided his fate; physical and mental torture and humiliation before the final blow aka his final death. Jonathan couldn't but notice how pointless his return was now that they were planning on killing him again.  
What no one would take into account, however, is the transformation he'd undergone. He wasn't Sebastian Morgenstern anymore. And now his soul was aching with pain and sorrow and guilt. Instead of feeling healed as assumed, he felt trapped even more. Damaged even.   
Additionally, it was evident that no one would fight for his survival. Perhaps his mother, Jocelyn Fairchild, would say something. Not that he wanted anyone's mercy. The pain was too overwhelming for someone who had just had his rebirth. He  _longed_ for death. For the chance to not exist, to not put at risk more innocent lives.  
"I'll let you change." Jace's voice interrupted his thoughts. Jonathan hadn't noticed until now that there was a pile of neatly folded clothes on the single bed. "Those are mine.. but you can't wear that dress to the meeting so I've decided to lend you my clothes."   
Jonathan didn't feel it was the right time to correct him. After all, it wasn't a dress, but a gown. There  _was_  difference.  
However, before he had the chance to utter a single word, Jace was already gone.  
Half an hour later, now fitted in a pair of black Levi jeans, a wide V-necked black silk shirt and a pair of suede brown shoes, Jonathan inched his way out of the dark room as quiet as a lamb. How come they trusted him enough to keep the door unlocked? " _Jace_." He thought. The boy must've closed his eyes and let him slip out. But why? Didn't he remember what he'd put them all through?   
A heavy and ominous quiet descended on, disturbed only by the faint noise from the far end of the hall. The two figures, who he managed to make out in the distances, were having a heated argument over something.  
Jocelyn Fairchild was gesticulating frantically and pacing back and forth whilst Luke Garroway  followed her.  
As Jonathan observed the scene before him, he drew himself closer in order to listen to the dispute.   
"Let me see him! I want to see my son!" A desperate cry tore itself from her lips. Jonathan flinched at the unanticipated words. His mother wanted to see him. After years of neglect, had she turned over a new leaf? Not that Jonathan could judge her. In fact, he was perplexed that she'd even thought about him for all these years.   
"Jocelyn, you need to understand that this is not a good idea. When that boy wakes up," Luke started, "he won't know where he is. He might not even know  _who_  he is."  
Whilst speaking he had reassuringly put his arms around her. They were married, Jonathan realised. It wasn't something that affected the boy. He had never put much thought to his parents' relationship. Whatever had happened between Valentine Morgenstern and Jocelyn Fairchild, it stayed between them. Their split affected the boy's bringing up, however. Jonathan was left all alone at the hands of his father, depending only on him as a parental figure. But it wasn't Jocelyn's fault either. She had been led on to believe her son had died in a fire. Sometimes, when he was a child, he would wonder whether she would have come back for him if she'd known the truth. The answer would most likely be no. No mother wanted a monster as her child.  
Having not realised how close he was now to them, he felt eyes averting towards him. A startled gasp escaped the woman's lips. Luke's face paled and his eyes went wide with shock.  
The only sound breaking the silence was their shallow breathing. 

Painfully aware that he couldn't escape, Jonathan forced himself to speak out the one word that had stuck in his mind.

"Mother?"


	2. A broken family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! I'm so glad to be able to continue this story! Firstly, I want to remark that I will be writing flashbacks and memories of Jonathan in the chapters. You must've noticed that already :) Secondly, who would you like to see Jonathan interact with the most? Let me know in the comments!

" _Ten_..."  _Another_   _wince_   _in_   _pain_   _as_   _the_   _whip_   _came_ _down_.  _Screams_   _of_   _sheer_   _agony echoed in his head as he flew bolt upright. "Please, make it stop,"Jonathan begged at the back of his head. He'd never actually utter a word though. In order to become the greatest warrior to have ever lived he had to learn to resist physical torture. According to Valentine Morgenstern, the only parental figure in the boy's life, he was meant to become a potent weapon against their sworn enemies. Jonathan didn't know whether he should feel flattered that his father believed in his potential, but there was one thing he was sure about. He couldn't disappoint the only person who ever cared even the slightest, even if whipping the young child's back until it was bleeding steadily was Valentine's strategy of turning him into the most powerful man._  
_Jonathan had trouble remembering when his training had all started._  
_He only remembered what his father had told him on their first hunt together. The stars had been blazing in the night when Valentine extended his hand and pointed at the brightest one. "One day, my son, you'll shine as bright as Venus, or as it is also called, the morning star." Jonathan was too young to understand the meaning behind his words. He assumed his father was speaking of his future achievements. He later on learned that "morning star" was another name for Lucifer. The devil himself._  
_At one point, the boy would collapse on the floor, closing his eyes and gulping for air in an effort to quell his misery. Valentine would stand above him, giving him a few moments to come to his senses. He knew what he was putting the poor eleven year old boy through, but he didn't take the child's pain into consideration. Warriors had to survive through anything. What he didn't know, however, was that in these split seconds Jonathan was thinking about his mother. He had been a baby when Jocelyn Fairchild left him in the care and mercy of his father. Ever since then, Valentine made sure Jonathan would never forget that. Sometimes the young would wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what he had done wrong to cause his mother to leave. Once he queried his father about it. His answer was "Her hatred towards you was the reason behind her disappearance. She hates you because of you what you are. A monster." Jonathan never asked that question ever again._  
_But sometimes he couldn't help but be dubious about the whole story. Throughout his bringing up, he had learnt about his father's manipulative nature. He told many lies to get people on his side. It gave him hope, tiny bits of it, but they still existed, that perhaps his mother was out there somewhere searching for him. That was what motivated him to stand back up on his legs and resist the blows of the following whip. But that was back when he was still a young demon child with dreams. As time passed, every bit of hope he had kept safe in his heart for a normal family faded away, his love for a possible mother turned into indifference, and in the end in pure hatred. Growing older and older, he became a vicious and merciless monster. His own father began fearing him. It's what he had learnt throughout his life. If you can't make them love you, make them fear you._  
_Jonathan had talked to his mother only once. He was Sebastian at the time as his real name triggered annoyance in him. Their short conversation ended with Jocelyn trying to kill him and Sebastian harming her fiancé Luke Garroway. Clary Fray and Jace Herondale had also been present. Funnily enough, the fact that his own mother, the person who gave birth to him, was pointing a weapon against him didn't stir any emotion in him as he had expected. He was so used to people either not caring or fearing him that if she had actually shown some sort of affection towards him he would have been startled._  
Startled. That was the word that adequately described Jonathan Morgenstern when he faced Jocelyn and Luke in the hallway.  The woman standing before him was tall and slim, her red hair only few shades darker than Clary's. Her face would perhaps have looked a bit younger if it wasn't stained with tears. She was staring at the boy with so much affection that it struck him like a lightning. Luke, by her side, was looking with the same dismay at Jonathan.  
The eerie silence was disturbed by the almost inaudible sound of a muffled sob which then turned into a cry of despair as Jocelyn closed the distance between her and the boy and embraced him in her arms. Jonathan didn't move when the female's arms clenched onto him and squeezed him in a tender hug. He was trying to figure out what was happening. Even though considered to be a mastermind of the century, perhaps even the smartest person to have existed, he now couldn't process the situation. The person he'd dreamt of when he was little was now holding on to him as if she was drowning and he was her lifesaving jacket.  
"You're here," Jocelyn whispered, still holding tightly, "I- I cannot believe you're finally here! My son, my dear son..."   
That was when Jonathan lost it. With a swift movement that no human eye would be able to detect he slipped out of the embrace and found himself again a few steps away from the two. He was observing them carefully with his eyes, every move and breath they took. The words spilled before he could think over what they could cause.  
"You have no right to touch me. I  _don't_ know you." He uttered clearly, emphasizing on his words. Why would this stranger claim him as her son after years of neglect? She may have given birth to him, but she was never a mother.  
However, he didn't  expect the following reaction. Jocelyn was staring at him as tears rolled down her cheeks. The hysteria she was in a minute ago was now replaced with something else. Distress, sorrow and guilt.  
What the boy wanted most was to turn around and not have to see the expression on her face, but he couldn't bring himself to actually do it.  _He_ was the one who felt guilty and that amazed him. Sebastian Morgenstern wasn't used to this feeling. He had grown up considering himself to be perfect. It was impossible for him to make mistakes. If people judged him for his actions it was  _their_ problem. Not his. So why was he feeling so anxious and upset?   
I'm cured now, Jonathan reminded himself. He felt emotions that he had never experienced before, the sudden realisation dawned on him.   
Before him Luke had neared the mother and son and was now whispering to Jocelyn.  
"Give him time. Don't pressure him." He had that comforting and peaceful smile on his face. It was eerily for Jonathan to see so much tenderness in a person. The boy didn't know Luke well; but he'd heard the stories his father told him and he remembered the time he almost put an end to his life. However, the man was so relaxed  in his presence that it stirred mixed emotions in the boy.  
"Why doesn't he try to kill me? He lost his sister because of me! He almost died because of me," Jonathan thought with incredulity. 

Before he could say anything, a sudden slam of doors startled the three of  them. Both Jocelyn and Luke turned around in an instant to come face to face with a dozen shadowhunters. All dressed in black leather clothes and armed as if going to war, they were staring at the boy in the far end of the hallway. Some of them, having failed to show courage, were hiding in the back. A smile of amusement appeared on Jonathan's face. Shadowhunters were known for their bravery. Or at least that's what they wanted downworlders to believe. In the front row, however, the warriors' pure disgust and despise were clearly outlined on their faces. They didn't look scared. In fact, they looked determined to lay their hands on him.  
A young man, perhaps in his late twenties, stepped forward eagerly and a cold smile spread to his face as his voice put an end to the anticipation that had built up in Jonathan's chest.  
"Sebastian Morgenstern. We've come for you." 


	3. To live or not to live?

The journey didn't go as expected. The shadowhunters who'd come for "Sebastian", escorted the boy to the Silent city, which was the residence of the silent brothers. Apparently, the meeting with the Clave was to be held in the morning. In the meanwhile, Jonathan Morgenstern was going to be a prisoner in the so called city of bones.  
During the trip, to his amazement, he didn't get harassed even the slightest. The shadowhunters that surrounded him were observing every movement he made, however. And there was so much hatred and despise in their eyes. However, the blonde had arrived to their final destination completely unharmed. Something prevented them from hurting him, Jonathan realised. Perhaps an order from the Clave, which perplexed him further. The Clave wasn't known for giving mercy. Even children were held accountable for their actions and were always punished. So why was he getting such a special treatment? Perhaps, they still feared him.  
Jonathan didn't dare look these people in the eyes. He was sure he'd murdered the relatives of at least five of them.  
He didn't know whether it was morning or afternoon or even night, not having had the chance to take a look at the outside world as the moment he had exited the Institute he was forcefully pushed into a carriage. Luke and Jocelyn had disappeared, even though he could have sworn his mother had cried out for him.   
The Silent city was the one place no one dared to think about. It was the base of operations of the Silent Brothers, an extensive and complex city of levels and chambers so vast and deep underground. At the lowest depths of the city were a series of levels that held the necropolis of the Shadowhunters—the graveyard, ossuary, and mausoleums—where the bodies of those who died in battle were buried, entombed, and sometimes burned and used to fortify the City's marble arches; those who died of other means, such as suicide, were not accepted in the City and were instead buried in other places.   
On the very lowest levels were the prisons, known to hold both the dead and the living. Some of the worst and most dangerous criminals were there. It was where Jonathan was going to spend the night.  
The moment he stepped into the cell and the door behind slammed forcefully, he felt an eerie presence. The cell was . . . alive? There was something powerful about it, as if it was living and making sure that under no circumstances he'd be able to escape. They've improved the security, how surprising, Jonathan murmured sarcastically. He'd thought they might have done it. After all, the boy did almost destroy every living shadowhunter. Well, they'd probably be baffled to find out that Jonathan had no intention of escaping. He had accepted his fate with open arms. Death wasn't something as bad as everyone described it to be, especially for someone like him.  
The cell was empty, no bed or anything to sit on. Staggering with just enough energy to move closer to the opposite wall he collapsed in exhaustion.  
"Don't have mercy on me. I don't want mercy. I deserve the worst possible punishment." He whispered, his eyes shut close. The ground was freezing cold, the only hope the boy had was that he'd pass out quickly enough to forget about everything.   
"I'm so sorry."   
He didn't know to whom or for what he apologised. But he'd never said these words in his life and wanted to know how it felt like.   
"I don't want to be a monster. I don't want to hurt anyone." Not having the chance to dwell on whether he'd be given a second chance, the young Morgenstern was quickly overpowered by sleep. Blood, bones and a little redhead plagued his dreams.  
  
  
  
It was an early morning at the Accords Hall, where Jonathan was destined to spend his last moments.  
The Counsil had counted all the murders he was accused of. The boy hardly managed to stiff a chuckle. What was the point in  wasting so much time on this when it was clear he was going to be murdered either way?  
He had to hold the Mortal sword in order for the shadowhunters to know that he was telling the truth. They asked him simple questions about how he felt about his actions and if he thought he deserved to be given another chance. His answer was negative.  
It was painful, but at the same time a relief for the boy to finally speak his own mind instead of Sebastian, to express his regret and his lifetime misery. What he was sure of however, was that no one would take in account what he felt.  
What shocked him was that no one other than the Clave and few other shadowhunters were there. He had expected a massive number of people to attack him with all sorts of weapons that'd leave the worst possible, if not even a fatal, injury. Perhaps the Clave had decided to do this quietly, without others knowing. That'd mean that not many knew about Jonathan's rebirth.  
  
The blonde didn't recognise many of the counsil members except for Magnus Bane who was representing the warlocks and Maia Roberts  who was representing the werewolves. A dark haired girl whom he'd never seen in his life was representing the vampires. No one was there for the seelies, Jonathan noticed.   
Behind Jonathan, who was standing still in the center of the room, were Luke Garroway and Jocelyn Fairchild. The Morgenstern hadn't had the chance to talk to them, but he could sense the uneasiness coming from them. His mother was on the verge of tears and if Luke hadn't been there she'd have collapsed. A spark of gratitude built up in him towards Luke. Jocelyn, who had spent years crying over the loss of her son, was now going to watch it happen again. He felt bad for her, to say the least. Yes, he didn't really see her as his mother, the thought was just too weird to accept, but the woman looked ruined.  
Alec Lightwood was near, as well, as a delegate. Jonathan thought about how much hatred he used to have for him and the warlock. Their love was unnatural. At least that's what Sebastian had thought. Jonathan didn't think that way. He wanted people to be merry no matter who they chose as their partner. This simple thought sparked amazement in him. It was the first time he had thought by himself. The first opinion he'd had on something that wasn't affected by the demon blood.  
"Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern." Jia Penhallow, the current consul spoke out loud. The boy couldn't read her eyes, her expression didn't out any of her thoughts.  
"Due to some . . . circumstances, you're alive again."  
It was a rather stupid remark, Jonathan thought.   
However, he stayed still, not saying a word. Not out of fear, but of respect. Sebastian wouldn't have done that. He'd have made sure everyone knew he was the one in control and that their opinion didn't affect him the slightest.   
"Seems like you don't have much to say. Shall we discuss this?" Jia turned her attention to the representatives.  
"Kill him." Maia Roberts' narrowed eyes were fixed on him, as if she was trying not to tear him to pieces. A shudder went through Jonathan. Jordan Kyle, Maia's boyfriend's blood was on his hands and it had happened right in front of the werewolf girl.  
The vampire also voted for his murder. It was inevitable, he was getting closer and closer to death.  
Magnus Bane was, what appeared to be, conflicted. His eyes were going between Alec and Jonathan, having a silent conversation with his boyfriend. By the frown on their faces, the blonde could tell that they weren't on the same terms.  
"This isn't Sebastian Morgenstern." The warlock finally said. "All the crimes that have been committed are on account of Sebastian. And the boy before us . . . isn't him."  
Jonathan was startled. Magnus Bane was defending him!   
Alec's face was pale.

However, it was only Magnus who'd defended him. Jocelyn Fairchild was begging for his release as well, but her opinion wasn't going to be taken in consideration.   
"If no one has anything else to say . . . Jonathan Morgenstern is determined as guilty and will be punished for his actions before his death." Jia spoke clearly. The boy didn't even have the chance to react before the slam of the doors disturbed the sudden silence that had descended.  
"Wait!"  
The voice echoed loudly. Jonathan turned around to face Clary Fray who must've been running because she was breathless. Even so, she looked beautiful.  
Jace Herondale was behind her, his eyes observing carefully what was happening. When his eyes met the Morgenstern's it was as if some connection passed through them.  Jonathan was grateful for what Jace had tried to do the day before. Letting him escape . . . even though there was nowhere for him to go.   
"Jace and I stand by Jonathan's side." Clary sounded determinated as she moved closer to the boy even though her green eyes were fixed on the consul. "My brother has no fault for what happened. Like Magnus said, it was Sebastian Morgenstern who did it. Not Jonathan. He has every right to live the life he never had the chance to. And make the choices he never had." She looked so fiery in that very moment.   
"Why should we take your words into consideration?" Jia Penhallow spoke once again.  
"Because I killed Sebastian. I know for sure that he is dead. And I know that Jonathan is different. And he'd never hurt anyone." Clary continued.  
Jonathan was amazed, to say the least. His little sister was saying all these things, without actually knowing him. She truly believed in him.   
Silence descended over once again. Jia Penhallow's eyes were fixed on Clary and so were Clary's on her, as if they were in a fierce battle only between them.  
"I saved the world, but I wanted nothing in return. Now I'm asking for one simple thing. Let my brother live."  
It was perhaps just moments that passed, but for Jonathan it felt like hours.  
"Very well. It's decided then. Jonathan Morgenstern will be given one chance." Jia was the one who broke the silence, her decision immediately caused furious whispers in the room by the few shadowhunters that were present.  
The young Morgenstern was astonished more than relieved. He hadn't expected anyone to have mercy on him, let alone the Clave.  
"However, you will all be supervised and every action of Jonathan Morgenstern will be held against you. You will be punished along with him if anyone appears to be harmed." The consul continued before making her way out, followed hesitantly by the rest of the just as shocked shadowhunters.   
The short-lived relief was replaced with fear and  the blonde could read it on everyone's faces. If Jonathan dared hurt someone, Clary and Jace would be murdered  
along with him. It was the cost they'd pay.   
Before anyone could say anything more, Jocelyn Fairchild was running towards the boy, hugging him as if her life depended on it. A warm smile spread to Luke's face. Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood were gone. Maia Roberts and the vampire representative had stormed off.  
Jace was beside Jonathan, now grinning devilishly.  
"Maia was pissed! Haven't seen that in a while."  
Clary hit him slightly on the arm and rolled her eyes, but she was no less amused.  
Finally, she looked at Jonathan, who was too confused to manage a proper reaction to what had just happened. Jocelyn was talking to him, Luke was patting him on the back fatherly, Jace was questioning him, but Jonathan wasn't listening. It was as if he was in his own world where time passed slowly enough for him to process. His eyes, however, were fixed on the little redhead before him who seemed just as uncomfortable as he did.  
"Welcome home, brother." She whispered, almost inaudible. However, those simple words happened to be the only ones Jonathan remembered from that day.


	4. Training session gone wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few months since Jonathan's new life had started. He's trying to fit in as much as possible. Now the Clave wants to test his abilities and see if he is as much of a threat as he used to be ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I haven't written in a while, I was quite busy but now I had some time to myself and thought I'd continue this story :)  
> Some of you might notice that I've added a character from The Dark Artifices in this chapter! :)  
> You said you wanted more Clonathan interaction so I've decided to give you a short tease in this chapter ;)  
> I'm really trying to stay true to the characters' personalities and I want their feelings for each other to develop instead of jumping right into it. But I promise to give lots of teasers of these two as the story is about the blossoming love between them. I hope you like it so far!  
> Thank you again for the support!

  _'Monster, monster...'  
The only word that echoed in the darkness_.  _Repeated again and again, it had lost its meaning. Monotone voices sank to faint whispers, but they were still there. He couldn't catch sight of them, but he felt their presence. The hundreds of victims, whose blood was on his hands. The roars and screams in despair. They filled the room, creating a wave of noise that crashed down the boy's ears, leaving him numb. He choked back a cry while attempting to wedge himself further into the corner, forced himself to take a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart and clear his mind. Where was he? Was he dead? Or was his fate to endure an eternity of darkness, tortured by the souls of whom he'd hurt?_  
All of the sudden, a glorious shower of sunlight poured on top of Jonathan Morgenstern as if from the heavens. The young boy blinked in astonishment. Shifting his focus, he began concentrating on breathing. Even though he drew himself languidly up to a sitting position, he still felt light-headed and dizzy. As his vision adjusted he recognised the room he was in.   
It was his home, Jonathan realised. Or what he was supposed and expected to call 'home'. His bedroom contained a small bed, two straight-backed chairs, a bureau and a small table. There was a built-in wardrobe on the opposite wall. Despite the lack of furniture, he wasn't interested in modifying a thing.   
He slipped out of bed as were he to lie back, it'd only be another restless night, filled with uneasy dreams and nightmares. His new life started almost three months ago and he'd been waking up straight from these night terrors ever since. There was no reason to contemplate; he knew he deserved to be punished for his actions. Or did he? ' _No. Sebastian is the one at fault. Not me.'_ Sometimeshe'd repeat this phrase to himself. It's what Luke Garroway, his step-father, had said to him the first time he had had a nightmare.   
_Jonathan's body quivered, his hands were trembling, his eyes had filled with tears. Having not realised how tightly his hands had been gripping the pillow it caused his knuckles to turn white. Suddenly two strong hands pulled it away from his grasp. His green eyes met blue. A tall man, with square shoulders and a slightly stooped posture, was smiling reassuringly at him.  
'Your screams alerted the whole neighbourhood. I suppose you didn't sleep well.'_  
_Jonathan sighed and slowly sat up, groaning with effort. His whole body was aching, as if he had been put through a vigorous exercise routine. 'I'm sorry- for disturbing you this late.' He murmured, his voice strained and hollow. He dared to glance at the adult sitting next to him.  
The kind and fatherly look on the man's face startled him. In the last few days, everyone around him had been quite affectionate, to the point of driving him crazy. He didn't want this chaos of love and perfection. It was too much for a boy who had already lived one life. 'Stop pretending! We cannot be a normal family! Don't you get it?' That's what he had wanted to yell several times, but he couldn't bring himself to actually do it.  
Surprisingly, there was one person whose presence didn't make him feel uneasy. And that person was Luke. The only person who didn't pressure him into turning into the perfect son. And he was deeply grateful for that.  
'Do you want to talk about it? The nightmare, I mean.' The man asked, looking tremendously calm as always.   
Jonathan stared him straight in the eye.  
'Do you really want to know?'  
'If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked you.'   
The boy stifled a smile. There was something so real about Luke. He faced the facts instead of ignoring them. Although they didn't know each other for more than a few days, it was Luke whose company he enjoyed most. Not his mother's or his sister's as other people assumed. Luke didn't expect things from the boy. He understood when he needed space or someone to talk to and didn't expect to be called 'dad' either.  
'It's just a bad dream. I can handle it.' The blonde mumbled, his gaze fixed on the feather stuffed pillow. A minute of silence passed. The creak of the floorboard broke the tension in the air when Luke stood up. 'I'll let you rest then.' Ruffling jovially the boy's hair, he made his way towards the door.  
'Wait!' Jonathan was surprised at his own words, but continued before Luke could ask any questions.   
'Am I a bad person?' He whispered, his eyes bright with unshed tears.   
'No.' It was a simple answer, but it was said with such assurance that it surprised him. 'You're not a bad person, Jonathan. Sebastian was. But not you.' A light smile formed on the man's face. 'Now go back to sleep. Your mother will be waking you up early in the morning.'   
Although he stiffed his groan by the expression on Luke's face it was obvious he'd understood his annoyance. His step-father exited the room quietly, leaving the door open.  
'Thank you.' The boy whispered but his words were left unheard. His silence bad been accepted and no pressure was put on him. That night, he couldn't sleep but he did feel comforted in a way not even his _ _own parents had managed to make him feel._  
Now Jonathan was standing motionless, staring at the door. As if having triggered his bad luck, there was a knock on the door. 'Come in.' He sighed, half expecting it to be Clary. Even though she wasn't as forceful as their mother was she still triggered unwanted memories in his mind. No matter how much he had tried he couldn't shake off the fear he felt whenever she was near him. Whenever she glanced in his direction while dining or her hand brushed against his accidentally he'd remember all the times he'd had inappropriate thoughts about her.   
It wasn't Clary.   
"Jace?" Jonathan stared at the boy who'd just entered the room.   
"Get ready. It's time for the training." The golden boy exclaimed before rushing out as quick as he'd appeared. For a moment, Jonathan just stood there, puzzled by this sudden excitement in his friend, then he realised what day it was. The Clave had set a date for training in which Jonathan would take part as well, something he hadn't dared do in years. Now the Clave wanted to know if he was just as strong and powerful as he used to be and if that power of his would be of any use for them or a threat. Not thinking much about it, the boy put some clothes on and hurried after the Herondale, hoping the day wouldn't be as bad as he   
anticipated.  
  
Half an hour later, Jonathan was standing in the middle of the training room with Jace and a few shadowhunters whose names he didn't know by his side. They were Centurions, considered legendary and superior warriors who'd test Jonathan's special skills.   
No one was allowed in the room other than the boy and the shadowhunters. Jace was an exception, he had convinced them to join with this reasoning: he was the opposite end of the same experiment that Valentine Morgenstern had done years ago with Jonathan. He was the only person who'd have a chance against the pale blonde if he still had his powers.   
It was easier than he'd imagined. But it shouldn't have been. The Morgenstern was tossing around all the shadowhunters who'd go against him. In the beginning they'd been confident enough to tease and mock him, thinking he was weak now. But that didn't turn out well for them. It seemed to be exactly the opposite of everyone's expectations: Jonathan was as strong as ever. It was as if the years during which he'd been dead had actually turned out to be something like a nap for him. He could take on each and every of them. It hadn't been even an hour when most of the centurions were already worn out. Some had given up while cursing under breath, others couldn't even lift themselves from the ground where Jonathan had left them. They weren't used to this, to say the least. But it was their dignity that was hurt the most, the boy noticed in amusement.   
Diego Rosales, another one of the centurions, was standing next to Jace who was impatiently waiting his turn. Jonathan didn't know much about that man, apparently he was a friend. In the end, all shadowhunters left with their heads down in anger and frustration. They'd have to share the information they'd gathered with the Clave, the fact that Jonathan Morgenstern was just as powerful as he used to be. The boy knew it'd have terrible consequences, if they had given him a chance they'd certainly change their mind now that they knew what a threat he could be again for the shadow world.   
He was lying on the ground, thinking about what they could possibly do to him when Jace appeared.  
"Are you just going to lie there and do nothing? Get up and face me." His tone was playful as if it was a childish game.  
When Jonathan didn't move in response, Jace saw it as the perfect opportunity to provoke him. He attacked with a blade that cut a sharp line across Jonathan's cheekbone. That certainly caused a reaction. Jonathan was quick and with his swift movement managed to pin Jace to the ground, disarming him.   
"Kill me." Jace mumbled, his lips forming a wide smile. It was obvious he was taking everything as a joke. Enough was enough.  
Jonathan stood up and threw the blade in his opponent's hands. The fight should be fair.   
The two warriors fought for hours, both of them determined to show off. Both were strong, both had skills that no one else had. Diego was watching from afar, making mental notes about Jonathan's abilities.  
"Great, another thing to alert the Clave about." Jonathan thought to himself bitterly when he noticed that. He knew he was a better fighter than Jace. But it wasn't  _only_ because of the demon blood he used to have. Valentine Morgenstern had devoted his life to turning his sons into the strongest warriors. Both the Herondale and the Morgenstern boy had received the same training. However, Jonathan's jealousy and determination to prove himself as the better son had provoked him to train even harder than expected.   
Jace was tossed on the ground for the millionth time and was now staring at Jonathan with amazement. What Sebastian Morgenstern would have done was to kill the boy the second he was down. He used to have so much hatred for the Herondale. Not only because of his father's preference but because of the relationship between him and Clary Fray.   
However, he was no longer that wicked person.   
He leant and offered his hand to the boy. Jace looked at him with confusion which slowly turned into gratitude. He took the hand and pulled himself up.   
"Not bad." It was the only thing he said which almost made Jonathan burst into laughter. Despite the superiority that he had just proven, there was a sense of understanding between the two of them, something he had tried to develop with the people around him but never managed to succeed. For this reason, Jonathan knew Jace Herondale was going to be one of his closest people. Seeing the faint smile on the golden boy's face, he thought that perhaps he felt the same way.  
"I'm sorry to interrupt your flirt but I think that's enough for today. Jace, can we talk?" Diego started, his eyes narrowed on them.  
Jace nodded slowly and watched as Diego left the room.  
"Too bad, the love between us was just blossoming." Jace sighed dramatically and patted Jonathan on the back playfully before following the centurion.  
Alone at last, Jonathan took off his shirt, which had stuck to his skin from sweat, and stretched his arms. It was nice to be able to train again after months of house arrest.  
"Do you have time for one more?"   
Jonathan froze. Without having to turn around he knew the source.  
Clary Fray, his little sister ran up to him and wrapped her arms around his torso from behind. The contact of her soft skin to his caused a sensation that shouldn't have happened. His heartbeat quickened, his hands itchy to touch hers, to keep her close.   
He wiggled out of her arms, regretting it as soon as he saw the hurt on her face. She was trying too hard to fix their family and it was getting on Jonathan's nerves.   
"Sorry ..." She murmured in exasperation. Her hair was pulled up into a bun that let tight ringlets dangle down, exposing her beautiful neck. Jonathan furrowed his eyebrows in anger towards himself for noticing that but convinced himself to look away finally.  
"You may have taken down Jace, but you won't have such success with me." She was obviously trying to provoke him into a fight just like her boyfriend had done. She held two blades in her hands.  
Should he take the challenge or just leave?   
A cold smile spread to his face. With a movement that would be invisible to the eyes of mundanes, he appeared behind her and disarmed her before she even understood what was happening. Despite having had years to catch up with shadowhunters, Clary still couldn't but wince in  surprise when he did that.   
  
The redhead used her elbow to strike vertically to his chin, however he quickly defended himself, catching her hand and twisting it. A moan of frustration escaped her lips as she glared at him. It only amused the boy.  
She used the heel of her palm to deliver a strike which this time Jonathan hadn't expected. He had been busy, observing her expression of annoyance lovingly. He stepped back and wiped away the thin line of blood that was drawing from his mouth. Clary, now free of his hold, was smiling in triumph. She'd been the only one to wound him so far. And that only because he had been distracted for a second.  
She attacked once again but Jonathan, irritated, twisted her arms behind her back and forced her to get on her knees. The girl wiggled, tried to bite her way out of his hold, but with no success. After at least half an hour, she finally gave up and fell apart in his arms, breathing heavily. Jonathan laid her down on the ground as she closed her eyes in shame of her lost battle.   
He had to leave her there and walk away. But it was just the two of them. No one to interrupt them. Instead of doing what was sensible, Jonathan did the opposite. He drew his body on top of hers and pinned her hands down. Blood rushed to the little girl's face as she stared him with fear. He knew what she was thinking. She remembered clearly what had happened years ago in that apartment in Paris ...  
"I won't hurt you." Jonathan whispered, almost choking on his words from shame and self hatred.  
"But I will." Clary replied and before he could ask her what she meant, she bit his arm causing him to pull back in surprise and slipped out of his grip.   
"Clary, I-"   
She pushed him down, pulled herself on top of him, now holding a blade in her hand to his neck.   
The boy lay down in shock, observing her. A smile of satisfaction crept on her face.  
"I do win, after all."  
If he got to see that beautiful smile on her face again he'd let her win whenever she wanted. While she was gloating over his loss, Jonathan was busy trying to keep his attention to what she was saying. It was difficult when she was straddling him like that.  
A door somewhere down the hallway slammed.  
"They're coming back. I'm not supposed to be here." Clary murmured and quickly stood up.  
Jonathan quietly cursed under breath and if Clary heard it she didn't show any sign that she did. She spun around and ran toward the door. Before walking out, she glanced back at her brother.  
"Hey, Jonathan ..."  
He sat up, his eyes locked with hers. For a moment, neither of them spoke.  
"I like training with you." She said finally and his heart quickened again.  
"I'm lucky to have you back, brother. " She continued quietly and walked out before he could respond.  
She had called him brother. She hadn't done that for the last few months. But instead of feeling hope to be called that again, it was another feeling that came upon him. Disgust.   
His heart ached in a way it had never before. Clary had managed to break it with one single word.   
Jonathan was confused. Confused about his feelings towards his little sister. But he kept repeating one thing to himself. "It's probably because of the demon blood I used to have. That's why I can't get used to having Clarissa as my sister only. I just need more time ..."   
Time. That's what he was praying to. He truly believed that time would quiet down those confusing feelings of affection that he had for his sister. In order to speed it up, he decided to stay away from her, avoid her at all costs. After all, he didn't truly love her.   
Or did he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this one :)  
> I apologise if the scenes with other characters are too long and you don't want to read them. I know this is supposed to be a Clonathan fanfic and it will be a Clonathan fanfic but I really want to explore the relationships between Jonathan and other characters as well.  
> For example, some of you asked to see Jonathan and Jace facing each other in a battle now that Jonathan doesn't have demon blood. I still believe though, as you've read in the chapter, that Jonathan would still be slightly better just like he was in the books even if Jace has more angel blood. There will be more explanation as to how and why he's still as powerful in future chapters.  
> Share your thoughts with me in the comments! Do you think Jace would be the better fighter now?  
> Do you want more subtle Clonathan scenes? :)


	5. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take a look at Clary's thoughts on her relationship with Jonathan, exploring more of it while they get some surprising news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I know it's been a while since I last updated but I've had a tough couple of weeks and I can't promise that I'll be posting as often. I'll do my best though :)  
> In the following chapter you'll get to see from Clary's POV. Can you guys please let me know if you want me to continue writing from both Jonathan and Clary's POV or only Jonathan's?   
> Also, I wanted to let you know that you can find my email on my profile in case you have any requests and recommendations of what you want to see in the future.

_"Wait for me! Wait for me, Jonathan!"_  
_The little redhead, worn out from the long chase, panted heavily. Grunting in exasperation she heard her older brother laugh in the distance. She could see him now. His hair, pale blonde, stuck out unkempt. His flashing green eyes were searching for her.  A playful grin spread across his face as he noticed her annoyance._  
_"What? Tired yet?" He mocked his little sister._  
_She crossed her arms and turned her back on him, on the verge of tears._  
_Clary didn't like the game Tag at all. It always took her hours to catch her brother, who in the end was letting her win. It wasn't fair!_  
_Before she could strut away, two slender but strong arms wrapped around her tiny figure and pulled her in a loving embrace._  
_"You win." The boy whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. Clary looked up in awe at the taller figure. Jonathan's smile was so contagious that even little stubborn Clarissa couldn't help but forget her irritation with him and return his hug._  
_"Don't leave me. Please." His smile faded away, his voice was quiet as if every word caused him pain._  
_"I'm not leaving, Jonathan." Clary's face lit up as she held out her pinkie. "I pinkie promise!"_  
_The young boy stared at his sister in confusion before bursting out in laughter. The little girl stared at the bright face of her older brother. Smiling suited him._  
_All of a sudden, a shadow ripped the siblings away from each other's arms. The redhead could hear screams in despair, she could see the tears streaming down Jonathan's pale cheeks as he begged to have one last goodbye with his Clarissa. She couldn't do anything but stare in horror, not quite understanding what was happening._  
_He was gone. And she was left alone in the darkness._  
  
"Clary, wake up!"  
Her eyes shot open, taking in the sight of her boyfriend. Jace was bent over her, observing her uneasily.  
"You were having a nightmare." His hands lovingly caressed her side but Clary didn't notice. She was frantically looking around, her nightgown stuck to her body with sweat.  
"Where is he? Where is Jonathan?" She moaned as her eyes filled with tears.   
Jace abruptly stopped tracing invisible patterns on her skin and gawked.  
"He's in his room, sleeping most likely. Unlike us." He muttered, his voice filled with fatigue. Clary felt a twinge of guilt when she glanced at the watch on the nightstand. It was around five am, she couldn't judge Jace.  
"Sorry. Go back to sleep." She mumbled and slipped out of the bed covers.  
"Where are you going?" Jace started, his hands stretched out, asking her to come back to bed. "We don't have to sleep, you know."  
Clary looked away, doing her best not to seem irritated.   
"I'll use the bathroom. Maybe take a shower. Don't wait for me." She stepped out of the room before Jace could question her any more.   
Lately the redhead hadn't been sleeping well. She'd wake up in the middle of the night, soaked in sweat, after having had her umpteenth nightmare. And it was always about her brother. In the past few weeks, Jonathan had ignored Clary at every possible occasion. She couldn't understand if he was doing it on purpose or not but it was confusing her. 

Letting the gown fall to the floor, she walked into the shower, closing her eyes as the hot water washed away the sweat.

Jonathan was the older brother she'd wished for. Ever since his return she'd been trying to build a new healthy and stable relationship with him. However, the more she tried to be closer to him, the more distant he was becoming. She often wondered if perhaps he felt like a stranger among the family.   
What if he hated her for what she did to him a few years ago? Stabbing your brother with a sword wasn't the usual sibling squabbling.  
But sometimes she'd catch him staring at her. He seemed so lost in thoughts that he didn't notice until it was too late to turn away. The look in his eyes was always so loving that it made Clary uncomfortable.   
 

The sensation of the steamy water calmed her nerves, but she couldn't shake off the feeling that something was terribly wrong with her relationship with Jonathan. In her dreams he always begged her not to leave. But what if he was the one to leave their family? Some day he'd find someone to love and exit their lives... and then Clary would lose her brother once again. Would Jonathan forget about them? Would he leave her behind and never look back? Did he see her as an issue in his life?   
She had no answers, but had every intention to find out.  
  


***

  
  
After hearing Jace Herondale's karaoke version of "Toxic" Jonathan doubted he could ever listen to Britney Spears again. Not that he listened to any pop music but still.  
The golden boy had no talent as a singer, but that didn’t affect his popularity among the girls at the café. They all stared at him in awe and worshipped him like a god.  
Jonathan got appreciative glances from every girl that walked in too. He’d tried to stay invisible by sitting at the far table in the corner but it hadn’t helped.  
Jonathan knew he should have felt flattered by the attention. But he didn’t. If not, it was quite irritating to be stared at like an exposition at a museum or an extinct animal. He used to adore having all the girls on their knees and listening to their sweet seductive words. It'd stopped when he met Clarissa. He remembered seeing her for the first time and thinking how he’d make her his only. In the beginning it was sexual desire. Later it had turned into something else; he couldn’t stand the sight of anyone else but her, he couldn't bring himself to pay attention to anyone else, her voice was the only sound he could comprehend. Now he often wondered if he’d ever be able to feel something as strong as what he’d felt for Clary even if you'd call that past experience "obsession".  
Jocelyn was paying the bill when Jace walked off the stage and sat by Jonathan's side.  
"Did you like my performance? Wasn't I amazing?" Jace asked confidently and sipped some of his soda.  
Jonathan didn't answer.  
"I have to talk to you about something." Jace murmured suddenly, his body tense.  
"Be quick. Jocelyn will be here any minute."   
"Why don't you call her mum?"  
The question caught him off guard. He'd called that woman "mum" only once a few months ago. It felt wrong to call her that again.  
"Don't change the subject, brother. What did you want to talk to me about?" He glared, his frustration showing.  
Jace sighed softly, inspecting the people around them.  
"Remember when Diego said he wanted to talk to me?"  
Jonathan nodded slowly, remembering that day at the training room. He quickly shook off flashbacks of Clary's skin brushing against his.  
"We think you might be in danger." Jace continued, ignoring the girls who purposely bumped into his chair to attract his attention.  
"We think the Clave will try to provoke you into hurting someone." His voice lowered to a whisper.  
At first Jonathan couldn't wrap his mind around it. It made no sense. Then it hit him.  
They wanted him to hurt ... so they'd have a reason to kill him. It was the deal Clary and Jace had made with the Clave. And they'd follow his death.   
It was the perfect scheme. The Clave would get him in trouble and they'd have a good reason to get rid of not only him, but also Jace and Clary. The three most powerful shadowhunters.   
"Just be careful." Jace shrugged. "Not only with the Clave. The news that you've been resurrected has spread around in the shadow world. They don't seem to like you. I wonder why." He finished sarcastically which angered Jonathan.  
"If you don't like me, why did you help me?"  
Jace stared confused at him before realisation came upon.  
"Oh. That."  
Jace had left the door of the infirmary open for Jonathan the day the boy had woken up.   
"I believe you're worth taking a risk." the golden boy said, a sad smile spreading to his face. "Everyone deserves a chance. Even Valentine Morgenstern's children."  
  
  


***

  
  
  
It was dinner time. Jocelyn had made sure everyone was there. In the past three months they had only gathered together to dine few times. Sometimes Jonathan would make the excuse that he wasn't hungry just to avoid the usual stares. He felt like his own family saw him as a lunatic, expecting him to burst out in madness while dining. Jocelyn was obsessed with the idea of treating him as a child, probably because she never had the chance to watch him grow. He was surprised she didn't ask to feed him herself.  
On other occasions Luke would have work at his shop or Clary would be out with Isabelle and Simon. However, Jocelyn had asked for everyone's presence at the table that day. She'd even ordered them to put something less casual and more formal as she had news that she thought were worth celebrating.   
Neither Jonathan, nor Clary had any idea what their mother was talking about but they agreed to it. Jace was coming over as well.  
Jonathan dressed in a fancy suit that he'd randomly picked from the mall. He knew he was awe-inspiring. When it came to confidence, Jonathan didn't lack any just like Jace. The only difference was that Jonathan only showed off when necessary. Jace did it all the time.   
Exiting his room, he bumped into the short girl with the beautiful cherry dress. Her hair was tucked in a loose bun, her lips smeared in dark red lipstick. She looked fabulous. And just as uncomfortable as him.  
"Hey."  
"Hey."  
"You look ... great." Jonathan murmured, avoiding her eyes.  
_"_ Thank you. You look quite nice too." Clary replied, her voice as sore as his.  
"So ... do you have any idea what Jocelyn wants to tell us?" He hurried to change the subject as they made their way side by side towards the dining room.   
"No, but I guess we'll find out soon." She was also avoiding his eyes which perplexed Jonathan.  
Not saying a word they took their seats at the table. Jace sat beside Clary, Luke in the center and Jocelyn beside him and Jonathan.  
It started off as a normal evening. Luke and Jace discussed the recent events in the shadow world while Jocelyn served her family some of their favourite meals.   
Jonathan didn't have a favourite meal. Everything felt tasteless and most of the time he ate just for the sake of surviving.   
It was interesting to observe the relationship between Luke and Jace at the table. The two of them were so used to each other. "Like father and son." Jonathan thought bitterly.  
Yes, he was jealous. He really wished he could have had this type of relationship with Valentine. He wished his father would have read him stories before bed instead of torturing him for disobedience. He wished for a father who would be there for him when he needed it, someone who'd listen to him and encourage him even when he made mistakes. But no. His fate had been to grow up in the care of a ruthless man who not only poisoned his own son's blood but also raised him to become a monster.  
There was something peaceful about Luke and Jace though. Jonathan liked the fact that they understood each other so well. He knew Jace deserved a good father and Luke was the perfect choice.   
The only quiet person at the table other than him was Clary. Something was bothering her, he could feel it. Her fingers were fidgeting with the fork but she didn't touch her food. Her eyes would fix on him for a minute and then glance away as if she'd been in trance, her cheeks would flush in embarrassment.  
From time to time Jace would put his hand over Clary's or kiss her cheek. Jonathan would tear his eyes away from them, trying to pay attention to the conversation, but the slow frustration was building up in him.  
"Today is an important day for us." Jocelyn said out of a sudden, her hand clasped over Luke's.  
"We know it's been a tough couple of months." Her other hand gently caressed Jonathan's shoulder.   
"But that doesn't mean our future together won't be bright."   
Jonathan had stopped listening to what his mother was saying. His attention was fully on Jace whose eyes were focused on Clary with a devilish spark. She looked extremely uncomfortable. It didn't take Jonathan long to understand that the two lovebirds before him were playing a game under the table. In the presence of the whole family.  
Disgusting.  
"Jocelyn and I are truly the happiest to have our family together finally." Luke kissed gently his wife's hand and flashed one of his warm smiles.  
"We have some news that we thought would bring us even closer." Jocelyn continued quietly, sharing a meaningful look with her husband.  
Jace's eyes were still on Clary, his smile growing. Clary's eyes on the other hand were fixed on Jonathan. She looked pale, as if she was in war with herself on whether to pull away or let her boyfriend continue.   
The mere thought that Jace was touching his little sister in their company ended whatever bits of peace there were in Jonathan.   
Boiling mad, his hands curled into fists.   
"We want you to know that we've thought about this for a long time." The married couple continued.  
The tension in the air grew as the redhead and her boyfriend continued their little game, Jonathan staring at them openly while the married couple talked, not noticing what was happening. He couldn't hear anything. The world had stopped, something was suffocating him slowly. It was as if he was being put through torture and they wanted to make sure his final breath would be the most painful.  
Clary was looking anywhere but at her brother now,  as if she was trying to regain self control.  
Jonathan had once heard that rage was like deep water currents. It suddenly swept you under until you weren't able to breathe. And you fight against it but you never make it out of there. The consequences are terrifying.   
"So we might just tell you." Both Luke and Jocelyn were grinning from one ear to the other.  
Clary took a sharp breath as Jace's hand moved across her leg.  
Jonathan exhaled as the tightening feeling passed away and sudden sharp pain struck the left side of his chest.  
"We're expecting a baby."  
  


***

  
  
"Wait for me! Wait for me, Jonathan!"   
Pitch-black curtain draped over the sky while the redhead chased her sibling on the now deserted road.   
The boy stopped suddenly in his tracks, turning to face her. His face was pale, his eyes glistening as if about to cry.  
She wouldn't understand what was happening because he couldn't either. The only thing he knew was that at some point while they were dining he'd felt trapped in a cage. He hadn't heard whatever announcement Jocelyn had had for them because the moment his eyes captured Clary and Jace's intimacy something inside of him broke apart. As if his heart had been ripped out.  
He didn't remember what had happened. He only knew that he'd felt the sharp pain ... and suddenly the table was upside down, the plates and glasses were broken to pieces, Luke and Jocelyn were staring at him in a mixture of fear and confusion. He'd skipped out of the room before anyone could respond but Clary had followed.  
And there they were. Outside, in the middle of the road where anyone could see them.   
"I think there's something wrong with me. I think there's something horribly wrong." Jonathan's desperate voice came out like a cry for help. His hands were trembling while the anger passed away.  
"Tell me what's wrong and I'll help you fix it." Clary whispered, her crystal green eyes focused intently on the boy.  
The trembling had turned into shivers, but it wasn't from the dull weather. The boy's hands were bent into fists, white to the bone. His breath was coming out shaky.  
"You can't fix it. You only make it worse."  
Clary stepped back, lost at words. The tears that she'd been holding in for so long were now running down her pink cheeks.   
"Then tell me what I've done to worsen you." She mumbled finally. "You've been avoiding me. And I don't know what I've done to deserve it, but I swear I'll do anything to fix this."  
Jonathan stared at the fragile looking figure before him, but he knew her too well to fall under a false impression. She was strong, probably the strongest person he'd ever met. But he'd never admit it to her.  
For a while he couldn't utter a word. She stood there looking like an angel from a fairy tale and expected him to give her an explanation.  
"I didn't mean to say that, Clary. If anything, you only make my life worth it." He said, a weak smile on his face. "I just need some time  to .. to get used to you as my sister. And try to become the proper brother that you'd want me to be."  
It was a lie. And he knew she saw through it the moment he felt the hot tears on his face. He didn't want to be her brother. He didn't know what he wanted from her, but it wasn't that. He didn't want Jocelyn to be his mother either. It all felt so damn wrong.   
"You've been avoiding me too though." He continued before she could question him.  
"Yeah, I- I guess I need time too." She looked away, wiping away the tears. Clary couldn't admit the truth to her brother ... because she didn't know what was the truth. She'd been avoiding both Jonathan and Jace for a while, successful with Jonathan and not so successful with Jace. She didn't know why, but lately whenever her boyfriend tried to touch her she felt the need to pull away.   
"Listen, Jonathan, for what happened at the table ..." Her cheeks felt  on fire, the embarrassment overwhelming her. "I understand why you did that, why you felt so angry. It was inappropriate and I'm sorry."  
"He's your boyfriend." Jonathan whispered loud enough for her to hear, trying to hide the bitterness  in his voice. "It's normal. I should be the one apologising. And buying a new service for Jocelyn."  
Clary laughed shortly, her eyes looking anywhere but at him. "But I didn't want it. Not like that. Really."  
"You don't have to explain yourself, Clary."   
She nodded slowly, though angry at herself. She felt the need to explain herself to him, nevertheless.  
"Jonathan... I care, you know."  
"About what?"  
"About _you_."  
Jonathan's lips parted slightly while analysing what she'd just said. His mouth felt dry, the painful feeling in his chest had returned, but weaker.  _"I care about you too. More than you could imagine. But you don't care about me the way I do."_ He thought to himself.

Even when crying she looked beautiful. The gods could try to take her beauty away and they'd fail. Or perhaps it was how Jonathan always thought of her. His heart picked up pace but this time it wasn't from anger. He found himself step toward the little girl as if in trance, as if she was a magnet and he was iron. He wanted to resist this sudden urge to take her in his arms and have her forever, to calm her down and make her smile again. The familiar smile that lighted up his world.

Clary swayed on her feet, her eyes wide open. Her heart was racing with anticipation. The right thing to do was to turn around and go home. What she wanted to do though was to sprint into Jonathan's arms and feel his warmth in this icy evening. They'd never hugged, not really. But Clary desired this simple form of affection from him. For once to lie her head against his chest and feel the rhythm of his heart ...

"Are you okay?" Jace appeared behind her, bringing the siblings back to reality. Jonathan immediately stepped back as if having realised what he was about to do.  
"Jace, hey..." Clary turned to Jace instantly, hoping the disappointment in her voice wasn't evident.  
"You guys sprinted out so I got worried." He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, inspecting her.  
"Thanks. We're fine now." Jonathan said, locking eyes with his sister.   
"I understand though. It must be tough for you after the news."  
"What news?" Clary and Jonathan asked in sync, puzzlement forming on their pretty faces.  
"Jocelyn's pregnancy, of course." 

"Her _what_?" 

***

While Jace was summing up their night,  the Morgenstern siblings shared intrigued looks. The idea of a new member of the family was crazy. It was unbelievable. Jonathan almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation. His mother had wanted another child after the nightmares that Clary and Jonathan had been put through.  
He should have been pissed. He was back from the dead and his mother was already planning to replace him. However, he felt ... relieved. Jocelyn's pregnancy would mean that she'd finally put her attention on the baby and not on him. He'd have more time for himself, more time training with Jace which he had to admit was entertaining and more time with ... Clarissa.   
  
"Jonathan, are you coming?" Clary, turned her head toward him as Jace pulled her on their way home.  
"I am." He smiled briefly, despite the urge to vomit he had when he glanced at Jace's hand on Clary's.   
He decided he wasn't going to avoid his sister. If he had any feelings toward her, he needed to know what they were. There was no better way to do that than being in her presence.  
  
While heading back, Clary kept dwelling on the short-lived moment she'd shared with Jonathan. They were silent for what felt like a minute, but it was the first time she'd felt real connection with him. He wasn't a stranger, like she'd thought. He was someone she was interested to get to know better though. His eyes were green, but not like hers. She was so used to seeing her own green eyes in the mirror everyday and they didn't seem remarkable to her. But his ... they reminded her of spring. The perfect time for _a new beginning_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you attack me XD I DO PROMISE that the pregnancy storyline won't affect Clonathan and their relationship. It won't be a big part of the story either, I guess I needed to give Jonathan a break from Jocelyn and Luke, lol. That way I'll be able to focus more on Clonathan and not on the others like you guys asked me to. So, expect more and more Clonathan. :)  
> Anyway, thank you for reading!


	6. A new journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan has some plans in store, but in order to reach his goals he'll need some help from old allies. Clary gets suspicious. The two siblings find themselves in bigger trouble than they'd thought which may bring them to their demise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the late chapter. I've been so busy lately. Your positive comments and critiques are always welcome. :)

There was nothing better than being alone.  
Had this thought occurred to the Morgenstern a few months before he would have been astonished by his own hypocrisy.  
The boy had wanted love and attention since he was born. Valentine Morgenstern never proceeded to embrace his son as his own. In effect, he'd tried to avoid him as much as possible and only returned when he needed his aid.  
Ever since Jonathan had wondered what it would be to have a responsible and loving parent. Needless to say, it hadn't worked out. Jocelyn's love was ... a little over the top. And Jonathan couldn't contain his irritation for too long.  
Fortunately, a solution had come his way. His mother was pregnant from Luke Garroway, her husband and Jonathan's step-father.  
Freedom never tasted better. Whilst Jocelyn and Luke spent most of their time talking about the baby and preparing for the future, Jonathan had the opportunity to spend some on his own.  
In the past few weeks, he'd learnt a few things about himself.  
Firstly, his eyes were in such contrast with his past life. While they used to be dark and lifeless, now they were green and full of light and harmony. He often found himself staring in the mirror in awe.  
Secondly, he liked poetry. It was Luke who mentioned once that sometimes writing was the only way to express what tortured your soul.  
That's how Jonathan ended up with a brand new notebook. At first he thought of it as a cliché. He was hesitant, the thought of writing down his feelings was unappealing. Eventually he'd written a few words, then a few lines which in the end formed into a poem.

> _"I do not live: I burn. In acrimony raging_  
>  _Two souls are dueling within my breast:_  
>  _The soul of a devil, the soul of an angel._  
>  _Their breathing is flame and it gives me no rest."_

 

* * *

 

„Do you think it's a boy?”  
Clary suppressed her yawn. She'd spent three hours discussing baby carriers, pacifiers and diapers with her mother. The redhead had been stunned to find out she'd have another sibling, the thought so bizarre and absurd that it had never come to mind. Despite that, she embraced the news warmly as she’d finally be able to escape her mother’s cage where she’d been for the last few months.  
“I don’t know, mum.” She smiled briefly, searching for an excuse to exit. “It doesn’t matter though. We’ll love it no matter what.”  
Her mother nodded, eyeing her warily. She continued folding the baby clothes, her hands fidgeting with the fabric nervously.  
“Mum, what’s on your mind?” Clary sighed, taking her mother’s hand in hers.  
“I don’t think Jonathan took the news very well.” Jocelyn confessed, her eyes swelling with tears about to fall.  
“You have no idea how wrong you are, mum.”  
But Clary didn’t utter a word. She couldn’t tell her mother the truth; it wouldn’t make her feel any better to find out that her own son disliked her presence and was in fact relieved. This was how Clary felt as well, but she wouldn’t share that either.  
“He’s fine. I promise you.”  
“You really think so?”  
“You have to trust me on that, mum.” Clary smiled reassuringly, putting on her best act. It was never easy to fool her; her mother was a smart woman who knew her too well. She didn’t seem to catch on this time though. Instead she turned her back and changed the subject to the baby’s diapers, something Clary didn’t need to hear about for at least a few more years.  
“I, uh, I’ll go check on Jonathan.”  
Before her mother could stop her, she exited the room and made her way toward the ajar door in the hallway, leading to her brother's.  
She didn't know what to say to him. They've been talking to each other more often and he seemed to enjoy her company but she could never be sure if he wasn't faking it. All Clary wanted was peace with the one person who seemed to defy her.  
“Jonathan...” Her voice was quiet but clear as she put her hand on the doorknob. “Can I come in?”  
No answer. That was unusual. Her brother always replied whether he was bothered by it or not.  
Worried at the lack of response, Clary opened the door leading to the empty bedroom. He was gone.  
He could have gone for a promenade or to train with Jace. In the past few weeks, he'd been much more open to the people around him, friendlier and more communicative. Despite that, the redhead couldn't shake off her fears. Her hands trembled as she hurried toward his wardrobe. It was empty. So was his desk where his notes always lay.  
“No, no, please, no...” She whispered to herself as she frantically searched for clues. Suddenly dizzy, she slumped on the bed.  
He'd left. It was evident that he'd left on his own, taking only his belongings.  
Clary was shattered. It'd only been a few months since fate had given her another chance to see, to talk, to interact at all with her own brother, her own blood and bones. And now he, willingly, had left her. What had she done to hurt him? Had she offended him? Made him feel uncomfortable? Had she really done something so horrible that he'd got sick of her?  
Was she ready to lose him?  
No, she wasn't.  
She hadn't spent months of dwelling on their relationship for nothing. His departure was unacceptable.  
It was in the late drowsy afternoon that she packed some clothes in her backpack and sneaked out of the house, hoping her mother wouldn't ask questions.  
„I'm not losing you again, brother.“ She prayed silently as she made her way toward the one place she knew her brother would go to.

 

* * *

 

  
„I need to go back to Edom.“  
„That's quite the request, handsome.“ The Seelie Queen, sat on her throne, regarded Jonathan with disapproval. They'd had an affair long time ago and fought side by side. However, that was a relationship between the Seelie queen and Sebastian Morgenstern. Not Jonathan Morgenstern.  
“I know. But I'll do anything.” He gritted his teeth, his fists clenching in frustration.  
The queen's shimmering bright blue eyes glittered at Jonathan, a wide smile spreading to her face.  
“Turn around, handsome. And face your feelings.”  
Perplexed, Jonathan obeyed.  
Clary stood before him, a seelie by each side, staring in his green eyes. Her hair was messy, as if she'd just run a few miles. Despite that, Jonathan was the one catching his breath.  
“Clarissa...” He whispered, stunned. She had to be an illusion, created to manipulate his mind. There was no other plausible explanation for her appearance.  
“I knew you'd come here,” Clary murmured suddenly. Her words were addressed to her brother even though her glare was focused on the Seelie queen. “Jonathan, please, let's talk this out. Edom isn't your home. We are!”  
“I ...” He inhaled sharply, his eyes frantically searching for an answer, for a clue to the right choice. He hadn't thought his sister would go after him. He couldn't dream of such thing.  
“You two have quite the intriguing relationship,” The seelie queen purred from her throne, her fingers casually played with a ruby red necklace. “The brother and sister who grew apart. Started as enemies, ended as lovers.” The mocking tone in her voice was clear.  
“We aren't-" Clary started, looking between her brother and the seelie queen, her face paled.  
“I wonder what your handsome boyfriend thinks of that. Does he know that his girlfriend has moved on from their epic love?” The queen continued before focusing on Jonathan, her next target. “And you. You've become his best friend, I can tell. And yet you're in love with his girlfriend. Is that why you happen to be standing in my court? Because you feel so guilty of your feelings that you'd rather live an eternity in Hell than a lifetime on Earth?”  
“None of this concerns you. My request stands.” Jonathan growled, fury building up his chest.  
Clary stared at him as if someone had slapped her across the face. Her brother seemed determined to get away.  
“Very well. I will grant you your wish.” The queen said.  
A titter rippled across the otherwise quiet room.  
“What's the catch?” Clary crossed her arms. “You never do anything without expecting something in return.” She was trying her best to prolong the conversation, in hope that her brother would change his mind. By the emotionless expression on his face, her hopes were to be dashed.  
“There is no catch.” The seelie queen smiled brightly, showing her teeth.  
Sharp pain struck Clary as her eyes closed shut and the darkness oppressed her in its embrace.

* * *

  
It was cold. So cold that the redhead put all her effort into opening her eyes.  
She knew where she was the moment her eyes snapped open. Edom. The world that belonged to the creatures of destruction.  
It was a world that felt entirely different than what she was used to. It was ... emotionless. Drained out of life. Suffocated.  
“How're you feeling?”  
Clary tilted her head to meet her brother's worried eyes. He knelt by her side, staring at her as if she was an alien.  
“How did we get here?” She asked, despite already knowing the answer and sat up. Her head felt too heavy, her vision was dizzy and she needed some time to adjust.  
“I woke up just before you, but isn't the answer obvious?” He murmured bitterly. “She wants to ruin us.”  
„What is she planning?“ Clary huffed, aggravated.  
They were in what looked like a desert. Except for the fact that the ground was covered in ashes, not sand. Nothing else. No trees, no plants, no houses, nothing that could hint a form of life.  
„We'll find a way out of here.“ Jonathan offered his hand.  
Clary, taking it hesitantly, stood up on her feet. The pressure in the back of her head was still there, but at least she could see properly.  
„Let's find somewhere to rest. We shouldn't be in the open.“ Jonathan glanced away.  
There was a silent understanding between them. Being out in the open meant that they were a spectacle for all demonic creatures to enjoy.  
It took them what felt like hours to finally reach something. Clary walked behind her brother, observing him, lost in thoughts. She wanted to bring up the subject, to ask him about his decision to leave, to convince him otherwise. But she couldn't bring herself to utter a word. She was confused, disappointed maybe. And yet one part of her couldn't let him go. One part of her needed him for at least ... an eternity.  
„You're okay?“ Jonathan turned his attention to her. His eyes were the only colour in this colourless world.  
„I'm fine. Just ... thinking.“ She sighed but before she could continue a rock appeared on the horizon, blocking their path. There was a hole in, big enough for someone to crawl in.  
„Let's round it.“ Clary hurried before Jonathan.  
„Clary, wait, I don't think-"  
The redhead stumbled, almost falling in the depths of the gorge. There was no ground beneath her feet for a second before two strong arms pulled her back. Her silent scream died unheard. Only her heavy breathing interrupted the eerie atmosphere.  
„You should be more careful.“ Jonathan whispered in her ear. His grip was tight on her, as if he wasn't planning on letting go any time soon. His breathing was steady, like his sister's death wouldn't have changed anything. And yet, something in his eyes showed so much despair to protect her that all her doubts ceased.  
„Good advice.“ Clary cleared her throat, releasing her arm from him and straightening her poisture.  
A loud thunder echoed in the distance. Black storm clouds rolled inexorably toward the couple of siblings. The air was suffocating, thick with the anticipation of something horrible that was coming their way.  
„It's storming. How is this even possible?“ Clary blinked in astonishment.  
„It's not. This isn't a storm.“ Jonathan concluded grimly. „Demons. A dozen at least.“  
Clary stayed silent, staring at the black veil covering the sky. She'd never seen anything like it before. It was a grotesque picture.  
„Let's hide. Hopefully they'll pass by.“ Jonathan said, though his words didn't sound assuring at all.  
There was no night or day in Edom. It was a world of constant grey. In the cave, at the back of the cliff, was dark, but enough to see. Huddled in, Jonathan and Clary stared silently at the storm on the outside. It had covered most of the sky now and loud howls echoed above them.  
„They're close.“ Jonathan mused, stirring up a conversation.  
„Do you think they'll know we're here?“ Clary glanced his way.  
„Not yet. But they'll find us. They won't hurt me, but I can't guarantee for you.“  
„Why's that?“  
„Because I am their king.“ He gazed at her, observing every detail of her appearance. Sat side by side, they thought over and over their situation. It was so cold that subconsciously Clary cuddled up against him. Her brother radiated warmth and peace. She felt herself ease and relax as she lay her head on his shoulder.  
„We're going to get out of here. You and I together, brother.“ Clary whispered.  
„You and I ... my dear sister.“ Jonathan whispered back. The words felt painful on his lips. He was shivering, but not from the cold. His little girl was cuddled up by him and it took all his effort not to take her in his arms and embrace her like he'd only wished for in his dreams.  
Adoring her in the darkness he wanted to tell her more. He wanted to confess his odd feelings and be over it with it, to assure her that he'd move eventually, that he was most likely confused.  
But he wasn't. And he knew it when he wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulders, bringing her closer him. It was enough for now, enough to make him feel alive for the first time in years. He may not leave Hell, but he was going to make sure his sister made it out alive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter despite it arriving later than usual. :) Since we haven't seen much of Edom in COHF, I thought I'd describe it the way I imagine it and perceive it. If you guys have anything in particular that you'd like to see happen in the story, feel free to leave a comment with your ideas!   
> Thank you again for the reviews!


	7. Take me home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan and Clary find themselves in more trouble now that they're in Edom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Yes, yes I know. I just posted another chapter. Twice this month. I felt bad for making you guys 2 months and thought I'd make up for it. :) Hope you like it!

Horrifying screams startled the young blonde from his dreams.  
Jumping onto his feet, he caught no sight of his sister.  
“Clary!” He called out, immediately running out of the cave.  
She was nowhere to be seen.  
“No, no, no...” Jonathan frantically searched for her, but it was futile. She'd disappeared into thin air.  
A chilling growl froze him in place. Slowly, he turned around to face one of the ugliest creatures he'd ever encountered. Half of its body was missing, as if it had been sliced in half and it hadn't healed. It had the head of a bear, dark liquid resembling blood dripped from its mouth. It had no eyes, just black holes.  
For some reason Jonathan felt thrilled. He hadn't been in a real fight for months. Hunting was in his blood and it drove him crazy to stay still. With the only weapon he'd come with, a simple knife in his hand, he attacked the creature.  
Another ugly noise came from the creature as it ran towards its prey, teeth bare and sharp, ready to tear apart. Jonathan dodged the attack by jumping to the side. It took him no second to get back on his feet and charge headlong at the enemy. He could have killed it in seconds. Due to its blindness, the thing only used its hearing to follow Jonathan. But it was so much more entertaining to play the prey when he was, in effect, the predator.  
That was until he heard his Clarissa call out his name.  
“Jonathan! Jonathan, be careful!”  
Too stunned, he didn't notice the gaping mouth of the bear nearing him. In the last second, he swerved right, escaping death. Severe pain spread across his shoulder and arm.  
Jonathan spat blood on the ground. His face was contorted with rage. Fury was the only emotion he felt in that moment. Not only did it dare oppose him, but it had also attacked his dearest, his beloved.  
With one swift movement of the hand, his knife closed the distance between him and the creature, sinking into its heart. An ugly cry tore from its mouth as it fell apart. In the end, there was only ash. It fit perfectly with the rest of the world.  
“Clarissa...” Jonathan ran towards the gorge, his deepest fears awakening. The little girl was barely holding onto a rock. Yet she looked neither hurt, nor scared. In effect, her face brightened at the sight of Jonathan.  
“Brother!”  
“Take my hand.” He begged, extending his good arm.  
“I can't! I'll fall!” She shook her head, making the mistake to glance down. Pebbles rolled off the rock, falling into the daunting hole.  
“Don't look down! Just... just look at me, okay?” He extended his hand as much as possible, but still couldn't reach her.  
“Jonathan...” She glanced up at him, leaning into the rock. His green eyes came into sight, taking her breath away. Eyes filled with love and care, with despair and need. Eyes that Clary always found herself drawn to. Her heart was racing, adrenaline overcoming her. It was not because she was on the verge of death but rather the sight of her dearest.  
“I trust you.” She uttered and closed her eyes. Without hesitation, she pushed her body upward, letting go of her only prop.  
She was floating. At least, it felt like it. Like freedom. No more worries, no more heart breaks. Just peace. And then, death didn't seem as awful anymore.  
Until she felt her brother's strong arms wrapping around her petite figure, pulling her up to the ground and into his loving arms.  
“Don't ever scare me like that again.” He whispered, his voice husky. His body was shivering, whether with anger or fear of losing her, she couldn't tell.  
“I'll try not to. I can't promise though.” She half laughed, half cried into his arms as she clung to his body.  
Pulling apart finally, they observed each other for what felt like hours. Until they broke into tears. Tears of anger towards the unfair world, tears of despair, of misery ... because there was something forbidden between the two of them that they couldn't quite put their finger on and yet it was there, gnawing them inside out.  
After a while, there were no tears left to cry. Clary told her brother about her little adventure. She'd walked out of the cave thinking she'd seen her mother. It turned out however that it was just the creature who'd attacked them. It had shapeshifted, a power that some demons possessed and used to lure their prey. Clary had fought but without a weapon it was futile. She'd ended up almost falling to her death. Jonathan had come on time.  
“You saved my life.” Clary mouthed, her eyes avoiding his.  
“You've saved mine many times.”  
“I stabbed you in the heart. With a sword.”  
“And that's exactly why I'm standing here alive. Not only physically. You ... you make me feel alive. And I'm grateful.” He clasped his hand over hers, causing her eyes to meet his once again.  
“You're bleeding.” Clary whispered, freeing her hand from his grasp. His shoulder was smeared with blood, though Jonathan had long forgotten about it.  
“It doesn't hurt.” He shrugged, but this simple movement made him wince.  
“Don't move.” The redhead began unbuttoning his shirt, her finger tips brushing against his chest. A shiver of pleasure passed through his body. His eyes lingered at her while she bandaged his wound. He felt no pain. Just her warm skin on his, her breath coming in and out quickly. He wondered what would happen if he kissed her right here and then. Would she slap him? Would she push him away and never forgive him?  
With effort, he tore his eyes away and tried to think of other things to distract him from the feeling of his sister's warmth.  
“Okay, I think I've stopped the bleeding, let's hope it's not infected though.” Clary sighed, but managed to give him a tired smile. “You might have a scar.”  
“Every villain needs a horrifying scar to look threatening and scary.” Jonathan chuckled.  
“You're not the villain in my story, Jonathan Morgenstern.” Clary whispered, her words tingling him.  
“I dreamt of you.” Jonathan spilled before he could think it over.  
“You- what?”  
“I dreamt of you.” He confessed awkwardly. “The night I was resurrected. I saw you in my dream and you spoke to me. You begged me to return to you. And so ... I obeyed.”  
Clary’s eyes stung, her lips parted to say something but instead she found herself diving into his arms once again. She could feel his heartbeat quicken. It was the most pleasing sound she'd ever heard.  
Jonathan was different than what she was used to. He kept opposing her, resisting her. He always argued with her about everything. He kept his head up, his stubbornness almost as bad as hers. And yet, she adored that. He wasn't Jace to always agree with every word of hers. Jonathan was a leader, thus he didn't listen to anyone else. But Clary loved that. She'd brought him back from the death and here he was, trying to return to his own world. She couldn't judge him, though it was unnerving. And interesting. There was no dull moment with him. His presence only excited her in ways she couldn't have imagined.  
“Let's go back. We should move as soon as possible before other creatures find us.” Jonathan mumbled as he painfully tore himself from her touch.  
She simply nodded, her face reddening in embarrassment.  
The siblings made their way towards their shelter. It was a peaceful night, though it could have been a day, they couldn't tell. Having rested well, they soon continued their journey. They decided to trace back their steps to where they first landed. Jonathan walked slower than usual, the pain in his arm was pulsing. Clary often glanced at him, worryingly. He smiled reassuringly, though the circles under his eyes hinted that he hadn't been able to sleep as well.  
“We should stop somewhere, I can't watch you suffer like this.” Clary frantically looked around. There was nothing but empty space.  
“Don't worry, it's just a scratch anyway.” He winced slightly, though he tried to pass it off as a shrug.  
She rolled her eyes and strut forward. Jonathan sighed, but having no other choice, followed.  
After a while, cold sweat swept over Jonathan. Chills passed through his body as he shivered. He knew his condition was worsening, but he wouldn't say it aloud. Not when his sister seemed so perseverant to keep him alive.  
Suddenly, a lake came into their sight. Clary gasped, sharing a look of dismay with her brother.  
“This must be a trap. They're giving us what we want to see.” Jonathan shook his head and stepped back.  
“I know, but we don't have a choice.” Clary grabbed his good hand and looked at him pleadingly.  
“We do. We can walk away.”  
“You're dying, Jonathan.” She hissed and with that the conversation was over. His wound had to be cleaned at least and this was their only option.  
They made their way carefully towards the water. The lake was as flat as a mirror. The air was pungent with the fragrance of jasmine. It almost seemed too calm, too perfect.  
“Here you go.” Clary whispered as she dipped her hand in the water. It wasn't cold, nor warm.  
Jonathan squatted by her side and allowed her to change the bandage. The moment he felt the liquid spill over his arm, his senses suddenly sharpened. The pain disappeared, the cold and hot waves of sweat passed. His breathing was normalised.  
“What the hell? It's as if we've used a stele." Clary frowned, sharing another suspicious look with her brother. The wound had been cured in seconds.  
“We should go. Now.” Jonathan stood on his feet and strut away. Suddenly, he realised that he didn't hear his sister's steps. He turned around and saw the redhead stand still by the lake. She was staring in trance.  
“Clarissa?”  
The boy skipped the distance between them and took her hand in his. “Are you okay?”  
She didn't reply. Jonathan glanced in the direction of what'd caught her attention. There was nothing there except ... except the two of them.  
He caught his breath. Just a few feet away, there were another Jonathan and Clary. They were splashing in the water as if they were children. They looked ... carefree. Jonathan was smiling cheerfully as he pulled Clary in her arms. They were both in swimwear ... quite revealing one. The girl laughed sweetly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. The second Jonathan lay his hands on her hips as if it was his birth right and lifted her up. Their faces came close and their lips clasped into a passionate embrace. The world couldn't stop them. They belonged to each other and no other person could come between them.  
The real Jonathan stiffened at the sight. He knew this was a mirage, created to show them what they most desired. He'd been trained to resist such traps as a child, but he couldn't help but let himself be enthralled by the beautiful dream.  
He couldn't but wonder what Clary was seeing. Finally tearing his eyes from the mirage, he glanced at her. She seemed just as entranced in her own dream. Though her face was pale and her eyes were watering. As if she was in pain.  
He stood in her way, preventing her from seeing any more.  
“Close your eyes."  
“I don't want to.” She shook her head angrily and tried to round him. He caught her in his arms as she fought him and tried to tear herself away.  
The boy dragged her away from the pleasant fragrance and sight.  
When they were finally a safe distance from the lake, Jonathan glanced back. There was nothing. No lake, no Jonathan and Clary kissing. Nothing.  
The redhead, now calm in his arms, glanced back as well. She shivered. “What did you see?” Her voice was quiet.  
“I saw ... our family. We all looked happy.” He shrugged, avoiding her eyes. “What did you see?”  
“Nothing. I saw nothing.” Clary whispered as she wiped a single tear from her face.  
Seeing that she didn't want to talk about it, the blonde only nodded, not questioning any further.  
“Let's go home, little sister.” Jonathan smiled bitterly and offered her a hand.  
She took it without hesitancy, “Let's go home.”  
Jonathan couldn't but notice that she no longer called him brother. It was a realisation that confused him. It made him wonder. He didn't know whether it was a good thing or not. But he had the feeling it was caused by what she'd seen at the lake.  
Taking their route back, they turned their backs on what could have been. They turned their backs on the dreams and entered reality once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loveeeeee writing Clonathan so much :') I hope you guys are enjoying all the made up adventures. I certainly enjoy coming up with them. Thank you again for the reviews!


	8. Our own little world ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan and Clary's relationship further develops, but also makes them wonder about the consequences of their feelings. Will they betray the people that they love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! May this be a great year for every one of you, filled with happiness, love and pleasing surprises! Here is a little gift from me :)

The Morgensterns didn't know how long they'd spent in Edom. A day or two, they assumed and hoped as their feet trudged along.

„It's freezing.“ Clary whined, shivering in her tatty blouse. She'd spent their entire journey in silence whilst throwing subtle glances at her brother once in a while. He hadn't uttered a word either, but by the looks of it, he seemed not to be affected by the conditions they were under. It was as if he belonged to this chaos.

„I offered to give you my jacket.“ Jonathan shrugged off the garment swiftly and handed it to her.

„I'm not taking it.“

„Yes, you are.“ He insisted.

„No.“

„Yes.“

„No!“

Jonathan stopped abruptly in his tracks, turning around to face her. Before she had the chance to argue he seized her by the arms, drawing her closer. He tucked her in the jacket despite her protests and zipped it up, his hand brushing against hers as the redhead snapped her eyes away from him.

„I hate you.“ Clary murmured.

„I know.“ Her brother gave her a crooked smile as he watched her strut forward stubbornly. She looked exhausted, her hair was glued to her forehead with sweat. Jonathan was sure that he looked the same, if not worse.  
It took him all his effort not to wipe the ash that darkened his sister's beautiful face. Her lips, usually pink, were now grey as if someone had sucked the life out of them. He forced himself to look away. Sometimes he was so lost in his thoughts of her, that he didn't notice he'd been staring. His obsession was worsening with every moment he spent in her presence. He was too afraid to admit to himself that perhaps he'd fallen fervently and unconditionally in love with his sister.  
The path had begun to seem familiar to the boy. It took him a while to fully understand why.  
His gasp startled the redhead.

“You're okay?” Her eyes frantically searched him over for possible injuries.

“We're almost there.” He took a deep breath, his gaze ahead, into the nothingness. The redhead tilted her head, trying to comprehend what amazed him so much.

“Where?”

“My home. My kingdom.”

Something stirred inside the boy. Was it anticipation and joy? He had no idea.  
Clary didn't reply but followed the boy obediently.  
It took them a while to reach another gorge. This time when they looked from above they saw the familiar castle. Clary hadn't been able to see it from the outside, but it was magnificent in a dark and vicious way. The large round towers rose in the distance, intimidating any visitors.  
The siblings shared an awkward glance. This was where they'd lost each other so many years ago, where Clary had taken his life and yet given him a new one.

“What now?”

“Now we go in. We haven't eaten anything in a while. And you need a shower.” Jonathan said as he spun around in the direction of the castle. The petite girl spared him the sarcastic reply. He had a good point.

* * *

  
It took them a while to finally reach the castle. Every step was slower, every breath was heavier. At last, they stood before the stone gates.

“Are you sure about this?” Clary asked warily.

Jonathan glanced her way. “Trust me.”

They entered.  
It was strangely warm and cosy. The quietness of it all didn't help the girl ease. Ancient paintings hung from the walls, lit candles brightened every room. Clary grimaced as they passed by some rich tables.

“How come the candles are lit? And there's fresh food on the kitchen table?” She questioned, following her brother closely.  
Jonathan huffed in embarrassment before explaining.  
“This place belongs to the children of Lilith herself. And since I'm her favourite child ... I also happen to be her choice for a ruler over the kingdom. The palace is where I was supposed to live. And despite my death, ” He paused. “despite that, I am always expected here. My mother does not see death as the end of one's existence.”

Clary sighed softly. He'd called Lilith his mother, but he'd never managed to do the same with Jocelyn.

“Food is served every morning and evening. All the rooms are constantly renovated. Occupied or not, this place is always in perfect shape.”

“Aha.. And you're the crowned prince who gets to enjoy all luxuries?” Clary teased him as he rolled his eyes.

Her grin faded away when she realised that this was where she was going to live had she agreed to be with Sebastian. She was going to be the prince of Hell's wife. She would have ruled over this world.

And yet she'd chosen her world over this one. Her family, her friends, her Jace over the brutality of the demons. She didn't regret anything.

It didn't take Clary long to find a bathroom. As she undressed, she noticed that her clothes were tatty to the point of falling apart. After taking them off, she sank in the warm water with a delightful sigh. Her muscles loosened, relieved from the pressure of the recent events. Her stomach rumbled as she washed away the remnants of fallen ash.  
Having made sure she was neat once again, the redhead wrapped a towel around her body. Her eyes stared grimly at what was left of her clothes. Suddenly, she tossed the remains into the bin and slunk her way out of the bathroom, only in her towel.  
With a sneaky smile she ran across the hallway, her hands holding tightly onto the only cloth that covered her body. She needed new clothes asap. There were at least a thousand rooms and all looked as if they belonged to a prince, not for guests. Some were smaller, some were the size of ball rooms. But none of them appealed to the girl. As if something was always missing out, though she couldn't quite put her finger on it. At last, she entered a room that caught her attention on the spot. It was definitely Jonathan's room, Clary shivered as she realised. She understood that by the chaos and disorder that ruled over.

“Jonathan?”

Silence.

There were so many books put away in the shelves that Clary wondered if he'd managed to read all of them. On one wall was hung a portrait of Jonathan that took up almost all of the space. Except the boy from the painting had the typical look of a cruel prince. She rolled her eyes at Sebastian Morgenstern.  
Then she glanced at the queen sized bed. Who knew how many girls he'd lured in there? Who knew how many he'd killed? The poor innocent souls he'd taken.  
Just as she was about to leave she noticed something peculiar. There was a walk-in closet. Clary had never had one since she wasn't a prep. One look wouldn't hurt though.  
When she opened it she hardly managed to keep her gasp. It was like a boutique. Everything that a girl would want. But that wasn't what shocked her. It was the fact that there were thousands of dresses and short skirts and female lingerie. And it was all her size.  
Her face paled. Sebastian had prepared all this for her. He'd expected her to join his side and be with him. Share his bedroom, his bed even. The thought of Sebastian bedding her made her shudder in disgust. When she took a closer look she noticed that some of the clothes were actually her style. She even found a Star Wars t-shirt which immediately grabbed her attention. She put it on along with some jeans. Then she looked in the mirror.  
Horrifying. Her cheeks were pale, her eyes were darker than usual. Her hair, now wet from the bath, tangled around her shoulders. Her lips were colourless...

“I'm sorry.”

Clary turned around to face her brother. He stood by the door, his head tilted to a side.

“Sorry for what?”

“For bringing you here. It's my fault.” He spoke quietly, but his words were clear. His eyes focused on her as if he could read her thoughts.  
Clary shook her head as she made a step toward him.

“I chose to come here. It's on me.”  
Jonathan didn't utter a word as his sister smiled faintly.  
“You owe me an explanation. Why is there a Star Wars t-shirt in the wardrobe of the great and vicious Sebastian Morgenstern?” Clary questioned as she crossed her arms on her chest, her expression of pure curiosity.

The boy burst out in laughter but couldn't hide the blush that spread to his face.  
“I- uh, I knew that you liked this ... human entertainment. You and your friend Simon are diehard fans, right? I thought you'd like this a little better than the dresses.” He coughed awkwardly as he finished.

Clary bit her lip. For some reason her eyes glanced back at the portrait across the room. The boy staring at her from it seemed emotionless, incapable of feeling love or affection or even care of other people's preferences. And yet he'd bought her something that meant so much to her. The idea that there was more to Sebastian that anyone would have thought saddened her in a way she couldn't describe. She'd learnt a lot about him while they'd been in France... and yet the Morgenstern would forever be a mystery to her.

“I'm starving. Is there anything to eat, please say yes.” She complained and grabbed his hand, dragging him out. The boy chuckled as he skipped along. “It's about time you tasted some of my cooking.” And as if without any burden, the boy walked out with the brightest smile on his face.  
He could have won Master Chef had he wanted to. Clary would have crowned him herself if she could. After the delicious meal Jonathan offered to show her around, but the girl was too jaded to accept. The disappointment on his face was evident.  
Clary sighed as she made her way towards her bedroom. The room was smaller than Jonathan's and it made her uneasy in a way she couldn't explain. It was ... lonely. Like it was made for someone who didn't belong.  
She didn't know what time it was but after tossing in her unmade bed for a while she decided to give up. Her body was exhausted from the lack of rest and sleep and her thoughts and worries wouldn't leave her alone. Was Jace worried about her? How was Jocelyn and the baby? Did Simon know she was gone?  
It wasn't long before she found herself wandering in the hallway. She shivered in her nightgown as her bare feet strutted towards the one place she could call home.  
“I'm not doing anything wrong.” The girl repeated to herself silently. She was just going to check on him. To see if he was as lonely as she was.  
Clary slunk into the room, her steps short and choppy. The sight of the cruel prince, now sleeping in his bed like an angel, took her breath away. He was magnificent. He had a faint smile on his face and his arms cuddled a pillow. He looked ... peaceful. The redhead wondered if she'd made a mistake of coming here. She couldn't bring herself to interrupt his dreams.  
And yet ... if she could just lie by his side. She wouldn't touch him. She wouldn't wake him up. She'd just stay for a bit.  
Climbing on top of the bed gently she slipped under the covers. She could feel the heat of the boy's body. Her pink cheeks reddened as she realised that he was only wearing underwear.  
Nothing could be seen in the darkness. She didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed.  
Jonathan stirred from his sleep, his eyes fluttered open before his vision focused on the girl by his side.  
“What're you doing here?” He whispered, confused. There was no accusation in his tone, just curiosity.

“I don't want to be alone.” His sister sighed.

“I understand.” He replied and the conversation was over. There were so many unspoken things between the siblings. And yet they understood each other with no words.  
Clary stretched out her hand to touch his face. Despite the darkness, she could have sworn she saw him blush.

„Good night, Jonathan.“ She whispered as she caressed him.

„Good night, Clarissa.“ He hesitantly wrapped his arm around her, his eyes pleading for her permission. The girl sank into her brother's embrace, her body heating up by his warmth.  
It wasn't long before the two lonely souls found peace for the first time in a long while.

* * *

  
It was early in the morning when Jonathan awoke. He'd been pleasingly surprised to find Clary in his arms, sleeping peacefully. At first he wondered if he was dreaming. If it was another mirage. But it wasn't. His hand had moved to her hip during the night and with embarrassment he pulled his hand away slowly, careful not to wake her up.  
He was only wearing underwear and his sister was in a rather beautiful nightgown. Jonathan realised that he remembered picking it out specifically for his sister years ago. He was now disgusted with himself.  
Nothing could describe the peace and happiness that took over Jonathan. Ever since they arrived at the castle he felt truly alive. In the beginning he'd thought it was because this was his home. His mother's home. It was where he was always welcome, where he was appreciated and loved.  
But that was not it. It took him a while to understand that the reason he felt like he was home was because he had Clary all to himself. There was no Luke to try to teach him lessons. There was no Jocelyn to stalk after him like he was a child. There was no Jace to touch Clary. No Jace to kiss Clary. No Jace at all.  
After showering, he found himself in the throne room. It hadn't changed at all since the last time he'd been there.  
Jonathan couldn't describe the joy and guilt he was experiencing. It was a puzzling mix that didn't let him think straight.  
There was the joy of true living. Not only existing. Before he'd felt like he didn't belong. Now he felt like he had everything thought out to detail.  
And yet there was the stirring guilt. Because what helped him live, what made his life so desirable, what he wanted ... didn't want him back.  
His little sister belonged to another man. And the realisation that he was keeping her away from her happiness filled him with sorrow. He needed her and yet she didn't need him.

“Take your rightful place.”

  
Jonathan turned around to look at his sister. She'd snuck into the room whilst he was lost in his thoughts.

“I don't think I want to.” He shyly murmured and sat on the ground instead.  
Clary closed the distance between them as she sat by his side.  
For a while neither of them spoke.

 _“I want to tell you how much you mean to me. I want to confess to you, my little sister, that I do not repent our little adventure that has brought you so much sorrow. Because I suspect ... that my feelings for you are not of a brother's. I suspect ... that I may have fallen in love with you. Or perhaps I've never fallen out of love.”_ Jonathan pondered, silently observing the throne before him.

 _“How do I tell Jace that I want to put an end to our relationship?”_ Clary thought to herself, her fingers fidgeting with the edges of her Stars Wars t-shirt. “ _How do I tell him that I don't feel the same way anymore? How do I admit such a thing to the one person I thought was my destiny?”_

“Maybe they won't find us after all.” Jonathan laughed, his voice hoarse.

“It's not funny, Jonathan.” She punched his shoulder.

“I know, but ... I'm happy.” He sneaked a smile and his face grimaced in guilt. “It's quiet here. And it's peaceful. And there is no judgement, nothing is wrong or right. It's just ... you and me.”

“What does that even mean to you?” Clary snapped suddenly and crawled in front of him to face him. She radiated anger and frustration. “I need answers.”

“Ask the questions.” Jonathan murmured.

For a while Clary just gazed at the boy, trying to form sensible thoughts in her pretty head. It took her a while to finally spit out something.  
“What are we?”

  
Jonathan froze, gawking at her. He looked rather perplexed by the wording.  
“Elaborate?”

His sister sighed heavily and bit her lip. The taste of blood filled her mouth.  
“Don't do that!” Jonathan scolded her and hesitantly stretched his arm out. His eyes locked with hers as the tips of his fingers grazed her scraped bottom lip. The petite girl let out a sweet gasp.  
No words were necessary for them to understand the burning need that was turning their insides out. Clary's heart hammered against her chest, her eyes roaming the boy's features. He was breathtaking and when he leant in he looked determined yet somewhat hesitant, like a puppy asking for its owner's permission.  
He was close enough to feel her warm delicious scent on his skin. Her cheeks were burning and she knew he noticed it. His own heart was at risk of bursting into millions of pieces.  
_„What the hell are we doing, Jonathan Morgenstern?“_ Clary thought to herself, falling into self-loathe. Her mind was scolding her, but her traitorous body was giving in. Her eyes fluttered delicately as her lips parted in a welcoming manner.

“Clary!”

The siblings, startled, snapped their heads to look for the owner of the voice.

Jace Herondale stood by the entrance, staring at the siblings in amazement.

“Jace?” Clary whispered before stumbling back on her feet. Without a word she sprinted into his arms, bursting into tears.

“I'm so glad you're okay.” Jace's voice cracked, his arms embracing the girl as if he'd never let go.  
Guilt stung Clary as her eyes averted back to Jonathan. He wasn't looking at them but by the way his hands were balled into fists she could tell he was nothing but hurt by their embrace.  
She didn't know who exactly she was betraying. Was it Jace who had no idea that she didn't love him no more? Or was it Jonathan who thought that she didn't want him? And what did Jonathan want anyway? Was he as confused as she was?  
She had no idea what was right and wrong. And soon she'd have to face the risks of losing the people she cared about.

* * *

 

Jonathan was mortified. There he was, the Herondale. Despite the gratitude he felt towards him for the effort of searching for them ... there was that gnawing feeling of anger at the unfairness of the world.  
He hadn't put much thought into his actions once Clary had entered the throne room. They'd almost kissed and it was Jonathan's fault. He couldn't stop himself. And he hadn't wanted to. At that very moment, when she was sitting across with her legs one over the other, with her beautiful yet confusing eyes, demanding answers from him... that was when he knew that words were futile if he had to explain to her what he felt.  
And despite her shock, he'd leant in for a kiss. He hadn't been afraid of rejection, the thought hadn't even occurred to him. The only thing he knew was that his body had its own mind that pushed him towards the redhead. His lips had been burning with desire. He couldn't tell if she wanted him too.

The worst, however, was the fact that he hadn't considered Jace at all when he'd made that move. He'd completely forgotten that Clarissa was in a relationship with another man, that said man was his brother. The one person Jonathan didn't want to hurt. And yet he'd been so lost in his feelings, in his forbidden love that he'd almost betrayed him. And now guilt was eating him inside out.

It turned out that Jace and Luke had been searching for the siblings along with the rest of Clary's friends. It hadn't taken them long to figure out where they were. What had slowed them down was finding a way to get to Edom. Magnus had come to their aid.  
So here they were back home.

“Are you okay?”

  
Jonathan tore his eyes from the palette of the setting sun on the horizon. His legs were slung over railing as he sat on the roof of their house. It had only been a day since they arrived home. One full day of avoiding Clary and her avoiding him. Again.  
Jace was watching him curiously.

“I'm fine.”

  
Without a word, Jace lazily drew himself to sit by Jonathan's side. He stretched before finally uttering a word.

“Home. I know that's why you went there. Because you wanted to go back home.”

  
Jonathan glanced at him grimly. “I'm not so sure what home is anymore.”

“If there's something that I've learnt throughout my life, it's that home is where your loved ones are. I wouldn't call Edom your home, Jonathan.” Jace smiled as his hand gripped Jonathan’s shoulder.

 _“I almost kissed your girlfriend. You wouldn't be saying these things if you knew... I don't deserve your friendship. Neither do I deserve Clary.”_  
Instead, the Morgenstern simply nodded.

“Great. Now get back down, we're going out with some friends.” Jace pat his back and jumped back onto his feet.

“What?” Jonathan snapped his attention back to the boy.

“Clary and I and Simon and Isabelle are going on a double date. Apparently they're bringing a friend of theirs too though.” Jace grinned devilishly as if they were onto something. “Dress fancy. Who knows, you might have a new girlfriend by the end of the evening.” And with that said, he disappeared back into the house, humming to himself.

Jonathan gripped the railing until his fists turned white, his eyes roamed over the now darkening sky.

  
_“If I could only forget about you ... If I could only erase you from my mind once and for all ...If only I didn't need what I can never have.”_

His green eyes were exquisite when he cried. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there are still unanswered questions like what Clary saw in her vision, why the Seelie queen did what she did, etc. but I promise these will soon be answered. Expect a deep talk between Jonathan and Clary about their little almost-kiss and a big decision made from Clary's side. Thank you all once again for reviewing my fanfic!


End file.
